What to do when you wake at 3am

Waking up at 3am is something nearly every parent knows all too well. I’ve been there too.

For me, it usually starts the same way: I wake up, roll over… and suddenly I’m replaying something awkward I said 10 years ago.

The house is still (for once), but my mind is anything but.

Sometimes it’s a worry about tomorrow. Sometimes it’s a random thought that won’t let go. And the more I try to force sleep, the more it slips away.

Sound familiar?

These aren’t just tips I’ve read about - they’re tools I come back to on many sleepless nights.

So below, you’ll find a calming set of tools I’ve personally found helpful — many grounded in CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy), which is all about gently reframing unhelpful thought patterns.

These are the tools I come back to when I find myself wide awake and overthinking in the middle of the night.

Don’t check the time.

It only fuels anxiety. Your body doesn’t need to know what time it is to fall back asleep. Checking the clock often sparks a wave of mental calculations -"How many hours until I have to get up?" -which leads to more stress. Try turning your clock face away or placing your phone out of reach before bed. Even better – leave your phone in another room.

Your only job is to rest.

Even if you’re not asleep, rest is still healing. Let go of the pressure to fall asleep right now. Focus instead on simply being still, quiet, and cosy. Allow your breath to slow and your body to feel supported. The more pressure you release, the more likely sleep will return naturally.

Name the thought. Then let it go.

Our brains - mine included - have a habit of digging up old memories at night.

Things we said.

Things we wish we’d done differently.

One phrase I often come back to is:

“Stop being a prisoner to your past. It was a lesson, not a life sentence.”

And if it’s something that happened a long time ago, I gently remind myself: what’s done is done.

You don’t have to fix it. You don’t have to solve it. You don’t even need to dwell.

Just notice the thought, name it kindly - for me, it’s usually a lesson, and let it pass.

Try a body scan.

Bring your awareness to each part of your body, from your toes to your head. Let it soften and sink into the bed. Start by noticing the weight of your legs, the feel of the sheets, the rhythm of your breath. This sensory attention grounds you in the present and quiets the mental noise.

Wipe it from your brain.

If a thought is stuck on repeat, try this: imagine writing it on a whiteboard in your mind - then gently wipe it away.

Still thinking about it? Write it down in a notebook beside your bed. Just a few words is enough.

You’re not solving it - you’re simply setting it aside for the morning.

Close the book, take a deep breath - perhaps a physiological sigh, and return to rest.

Stay in rest mode.

Keep your eyes closed. Even if sleep doesn’t come right away, staying physically still and in low stimulation mode helps maintain the conditions for sleep. Keep your environment quiet and avoid reaching for your phone.

If it helps, cuddle something comforting - a soft pillow, a heat pack, or a weighted toy. Warmth and gentle pressure can calm the nervous system and provide a sense of safety, even in the dark. These physical cues tell your brain it’s okay to relax, reinforcing the rest-focused mindset that CBT promotes. I personally go to cuddle my husband, but he runs hot, which just ends up waking me up again. So, another thing I do, is push my hands and feet just under him for comfort. Sounds odd, but the weight on my hands and feet seems to work for me.

You could also try using a consistent, calming scent at night - like lavender or chamomile. Over time, your brain starts to associate that smell with winding down. It becomes a gentle cue for your body to rest.

Another option is the physiological sigh: two short inhales through the nose, followed by a long exhale through the mouth. This quick, calming technique can lower stress in the body and help return you to a restful state.

And if you’re stuck in your thoughts, do a quick “mind dump” by jotting down the worry or idea in a notebook. Just one sentence can help. It signals to your brain that you’ve noted it - and can let it go for now.

If rest isn’t coming, get up gently.

CBT for insomnia encourages this counterintuitive step: if you’ve been awake for 15–20 minutes and feel restless, get out of bed. Staying in bed too long while anxious or wide awake can create a negative sleep association. Instead, do something quiet and calming - read a book under a soft warm or red light, stretch, write in your journal, or sit with a warm drink - just a small one, so you’re not up again later. When you feel sleepy again, return to bed. No screens, no scrolling - just something peaceful and low-stimulation.

And in my case, if it’s after 3:30am, I sometimes just get up and start my day - especially if I’ve got something on my mind that I’m meant to do later. I know I’ll likely feel it by the afternoon, but I usually make up the sleep the following night.

Sleep debt is real, but it’s not always about perfect balance - it’s about tuning in to what your body needs over time. And sometimes I do find after working for an hour I curl up on the lounge and fall asleep again.

You don’t need to force sleep.
Sometimes just giving your mind and body permission to rest - without needing anything more - is what allows sleep to return on its own.

Gentle routines. Reassuring thoughts. A soft warm light.

You’ve got this.

Warmly and in light,

Kate